Stuff Stephen Hates #5: People who measure the lengths of their dicks by the size of their GPAs

Dear Christ..... there's just so fucking much about law school that I hate. I could write an entire blog about it, post every day for 10 years, and still come no where near listing all of the things that I hate about law school. But this time of year always makes me think of what may be the one thing I hate the most: people who seem to think that their worth as human beings is directly proportional to the size of their GPAs. Or, if you're the few people I'm thinking of in particular, those guys who clearly are lacking girth in their dicks and feel the need to compensate by waving their grades in your face. Like that's supposed to mean something. First, because of the moronic grading policy at law schools across this country, by definition, MOST ATTORNEYS DO NOT HAVE A AVERAGES! Most... most.. meaning, famous people, rich people, great litigators, amazing negotiators, judges, practitioners, philanthropists... it doenst fucking matter. What I'm trying to say is, just because your grades are good DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE GOING TO BE A GREAT ATTORNEY! All it really means is that you figured out how to play the law school game faster and better than someone else. That's it. In fact, because of the moronic grading policy, you could score a 10/100 and still get an A+ if everyone else scored 9/10. Or if everyone in the class scored 99/100 then everyone would get a C because everyone would be average! what the fuck! That's fucking INSANE! The thing I hate most about it is that it makes people who don't necessarily get the best grades feel like they are worth less than the person who has the higher grades. They feel like they're dumb. or can't be lawyers. or whatever. I see it all too frequently... people thinking that there is something wrong with them because they don't get all As... well, you know what.... IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER!!!!

Now, I do well in school. I am not at all ashamed of how I've done. but I don't talk about it... why? Because I don't put genuine worth in it. Because it is not a measuring stick. It is NOT something that makes me better, more capable, smarter, or any fucking thing else more than anyone else. And because, ultimately, it doesnt fucking matter. I want people to like me because I'm a nice guy.. not because I got an A in legal writing. Ya know what? I DID get an A in legal writing. WhooptyFUCKINGdo!

And I'm not proud. I feel like I've stumbled thru school...thru life....by luck and a little bit of hard work. But the only reason I work hard is because I'm neurotic and its comforting.
And because I'm scared of failure. Because, much like how mass media has given me a skewed sense of self, grade talk for my whole life has given me a skewed sense of worth and success. Because, in my mind I naturally, and SADLY, equate success with income and with grades. And I'M TERRIFIED AT BEING A FAILURE! But I'd much rather just be happy. I'd much rather just accept life at what it is. And that's what these cockknockers who whip out their grades like yardsticks for their dick size need as well. Congratulations on getting a good grade, now move on.

We all need to understand that success should not be measured by grades, or income, or job, or cock length. Success should be measured by your friends. By your value as a human being. I hope that when I die, no one--NO ONE!--will say "well, he did well in school" or "well, he made a lot of money," but instead, people will say "he was a genuinely good guy....a guy who'd help me out if I really needed it... and I'm glad I knew him, if only for a short while."

Grades are not a measure of worth. Income is not a measure of worth. A job in a big firm is not a measure of worth. We have been fooled by society to think that these things really matter... fuck them. fuck them. FUCK THEM! "You are more than the sum of what you consume; desire is NOT AN OCCUPATION!...Lets stop praying for someone to save us and start saving ourselves...this is your life. This is your fucking life."

But ya know what... I clearly lost what the point was here. I don't hate anyone who does well. I don't hate anyone who does better than me. And I don't hate anyone whose grades are not as good as mine. But who I do hate are those people--and you know who I'm talking about--those people who feel the need to talk about their class rank whenever they get the chance. Or their jobs... or whatever the fuck else. Those people who do it maliciously to feel better about themselves because they scored higher on an exam. And that... that... is bullshit. Please please please... keep striving for good grades... that's good. but don't 'casually' mention your CALI awards because you're looking for some sort of affirmation of worth from me. Grades don't impress me.

I hate competition. I hate feeling like I need to beat other people. But that is exactly the mentality that this place fosters. fuck it.

I can already feel negative comments coming to me because of this one... but anyone reading this should already know this is how I feel. And to be clear, this is mostly in reference to the up coming honors reception: aka, one giant circle jerk for the "smart kids." NO circle jerk for me, thank you very much. I know I did well... that's enough.

done.